The body does not lie

So how often do you listen to it?

It was a lively discussion. 15 people gathered for dinner at a Silicon Valley tech event in the home of a wealthy entrepreneur. One of the most prominent guests, we’ll call him “Steve,” had been giving lip service to the importance of advocating for women. Feeling encouraged, the youngest woman at the dining table spoke up to share her perspective on how women are undermined. After sharing a personal story of how she and her female peers were treated differently from their male counterparts, Steve commented on her wealthy father, a tech legend. In one swift sentence, he undermined her by casting her in her father's shadow and sliced her credibility with his words. It happened so fast that I wondered if I was hearing things correctly. Luckily, my body stepped up to give me some clues.

My cheeks flushed with noticeable heat—an indication of rising anger. My stomach rumbled in accompaniment, though barely through appetizers, my appetite vanished. These signals were important data, telling me to pay attention. I quietly excused myself for the bathroom, allowing myself time to unpack what had happened.

I stood in the quiet bathroom and took a few long exhales. As my heart rate settled, I asked myself: What just happened? What are Steve’s underlying intentions? What does Steve gain from what he said? Why is this not okay with me? How did I show up? What do I need to do now?

Buying time to reflect is critical for me. Under stress, I feel, then act, then think*. I’ve learned that my initial feelings come on strongly, and acting on them (my second default reaction) without clarity is counterproductive. Slowing things down lets me settle the initial emotional surge and compulsion to act (a threat response) and move to thinking with a clearer mind. 

While washing my hands, I weighed my options. I decided not to engage with Steve. Calling him out was risky and undermined the real purpose of the gathering. I did not need to make him a friend or foe. But clearly, he was someone to watch out for. The most productive action, I decided, was to follow up with the young woman, share my observations, and offer support.

I returned to the dining room and politely sat back in my chair. Leaning back (a practice I often share with clients who tend to lean in a lot) reminded me to create some healthy distance and disengage. It also helped widen my perspective. 

Listening to my body this way makes it a tuning fork for truth. When something is out of integrity, my body sends me warning signals—signals that I cannot afford to overlook, especially in my line of work.

Under pressure, what is your default reaction?
If an email lands in your inbox and the tone seems threatening or off somehow,
do you:
a) immediately start to calculate and problem-solve (thinking)?
b) get flushed with emotion and need a minute to settle (feeling)?
c) retaliate immediately by firing off a response (acting)?

If you aren’t sure…think back to the last few incidents and look closely at what happened.

Now that you’re thinking about it, and given what you know about yourself…
When does this default pattern create more harm than good? What’s your note to self for the future? And how might you respond differently the next time you feel triggered?

I share this story to illustrate several key points. 

• The body has information. It provides data that we can listen to or ignore. 

• When we are skillful listeners, we can integrate the information we receive from our bodies to make better decisions. 

• It takes care and attention to listen for and integrate the data from the body. 

• Knowing your default reaction pattern - thinking, feeling, or acting - can help you slow down and respond more carefully in personal and professional situations. 

• To calm down from a charged or heated situation, pause. Resist responding and buy time or create distance to foster clear thinking. You can also lean back, which is one of the tools I offer in somatic intelligence training. 

*The results from the Integrative Enneagram test (integrative9.com) can tell you what your default reaction sequence is concerning these three intelligences: think, feel, and act. These centers of intelligence appear somewhere around Page 12 of the Pro report.

If you’d like to learn more about one-on-one coaching to help you minimize blindspots and leverage your untapped intelligence (head, heart, or body), visit our website: accessalignment.com.