How Good a Listener Are You?

When you hear others, wisdom speaks

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Last dish dried

Chef rustles paper

Silence speaks
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We sat at our dining table overlooking treetops that basked in a paintbrush-pink sky as we savored each morsel of an elegant Japanese meal. Our backs faced the open kitchen where Aoki-san, the chef, stood making this delicious feast for two. After serving the last dish, he swiftly and quietly cleaned the pots and pans, and eventually, the hustle and bustle behind us subsided.

At first, silence.
No response from us as we giggled and sipped our sake. 

Another minute passed, and then he rustled some paper.

“It’s time to pay Aoki-san,” I whispered.
“What?” My husband asked.
“He’s ready to leave,” I replied.

The shift in energy, a slight awkwardness, and the quiet sound of rustled paper stood in stark contrast to clanging pots being washed and put away. It was palpable. Our chef told us ever-so-gently that he was finished. 

My husband was amused and stunned. “How did you know that?”

I stood and went to get a check and an envelope - in Japanese culture, money is never passed hand to hand. Still mystified, my husband turned in his chair. Now facing the kitchen, he could see Aoki-san waiting expectantly, ready to go. 

I share this story to illustrate the power of listening. Listening is not just hearing words. It’s a state of being receptive. When you listen with your being, you notice and receive information (sounds, sensations, impressions) that others miss. 

The best listeners listen by being fully present. This allows them to “hear” the many ways a person communicates.

We sense more in ourselves and the field around us when we're present. We become more intuitive - spidey senses heightened. When you listen deeply, the person feels heard. Not only do they feel supported, but they often begin to hear themselves and their wisdom. 

How important is good listening for you? Do you consider yourself a good listener?

I think most of us can improve our listening. It’s a skill that takes attention and practice to develop.

Over the years, I’ve refined my listening skills. There are many ways to do this, but the practice that makes the biggest difference for my clients is slowing down. Slowing down and settling the body is the starting point. 

Remember: Presence is a gateway for good listening. 

This is why the first post I shared on Substack was an audio breathing practice to settle the body and simultaneously increase self-awareness, presence, calm, and clarity. Your mission, if you so choose, is to listen to it for two minutes today and re-listen every day for the next two weeks.

I’ll be curious to hear what difference this makes for you. 

ps…Talented chef not included in coaching sessions :)