What Your Posture Says About You
Are you aware of the message you are sending?
Have you ever wondered what your posture and stance communicate to others?
I was working with five top-level executives during a yearlong purposeful leadership course. These leaders worked across different functions within the same Fortune 500 tech company. It was a two-hour meeting, the last of a series of group sessions and the topic was embodied leadership.
I invited the participants to stand up and take the shape of different attitudes.
“What’s the shape of distant?”
“What does driven look like?”
“Or pleasing?” I asked.
We watched each other via Zoom, each person standing in their home office space and “acting as if” they were these different things. Four out of the five participants seemed skeptical. Their expressions and blank stares said, “I have no idea how to do this.” and “This is awkward and uncomfortable.” However, no one voiced these thoughts, so we continued.
“How about critical?” I asked next.
Yvonne (not her real name), an SVP of legal and consummate perfectionist, stood with disinterest. She sighed audibly, her hand on her hip, as she rolled her eyes.
Me: That’s a good one! You seem to have that one nailed.
Yvonne: What do you mean? I wasn’t sure how to act this out, so I was just standing there.
Oops! I thought to myself. She wasn’t acting.
Me: So, you’re saying this is your normal posture? How interesting.
Then I paused.
I glanced at the expression of the other participants, eyes wider than usual, holding their breaths. At least one person appeared to suppress a giggle.
Me: How do you relate to the word critical?
Yvonne: That word just came up in my latest feedback from my team. More than one person said I was critical. I’m not easy to please, and I vacillate between being distant and critical.
In a tone both gentle and encouraging, I replied,
”Fascinating! You weren’t trying to look critical; you stood in your default posture. And because we’re paying attention to the physical expression of different attitudes, we can tell you’re critical. Isn’t that funny?”
Yvonne: Oh my gosh!
A smile broke out on her face, the first smile I’d seen from her in 6 months, and in her next exhale, she started laughing, too.
Me: Were you aware that your posture is saying you’re critical even though you might not be saying a word?
Yvonne: I had no idea how obvious it was that that’s how I feel.
She lit up, her shoulders relaxed, and the group sighed in collective relief. The moment of laughter was like a cool drink after a long and arduous journey. Once Yvonne became animated, it breathed life into the whole group, and we excitedly bantered back and forth about the implications of all this.
What we discovered
In addition to the collective aliveness that comes from being more embodied, I shared with the group what I’d seen repeatedly, that our physical form is constantly communicating, first to ourselves, reinforcing patterns or beliefs. Then secondly to others. Our posture tells others how we think or feel without saying a word. In Yvonne’s case, we don’t know exactly how this pattern of being “critical” emerged. But it has been reinforced for decades. And now, it is hard-wired into how she sits, stands, and moves. She embodies “critical.” Others receive her as critical, with a degree of coldness and distance. It's not a very inviting or welcoming stance, that’s for sure.
Most of the time, these somatic patterns are unconscious. Yvonne had no idea why others didn’t jump up to collaborate with her. It may or may not be conscious for others, but it’s evident at a gut level. Somatic awareness is powerful because it reveals and makes these unconscious patterns conscious.
We become conscious of patterns like this by focusing on our bodies and how we carry ourselves. It’s the first step of self-awareness. Then, over time, we can disrupt ourselves with something new.
The Results
Over a year and four different group coaching calls, this was the only time that Yvonne became noticeably engaged and curious about the content of our work. It was a small victory, suggesting that for even the most guarded, resistant, and reluctant, a subtle but powerful way to unlock a pattern is to shift the body.
If using the body works even for those who resist, can you imagine how powerful it can be for those who would embrace it eagerly?
This email may seem a little different. I started using substack to share these 3 topics:
1) Somatic Intelligence: How to turn (what is likely) your biggest blindspot into your secret superpower in life and work.
2) How to align your life’s work with your values. Resources to help you do this, and tidbits on why I spend so much time in Kyoto, Japan.
3) Ideas, stories, and inspiration from brilliant leaders like you who care about conscious leadership and impact.
Here’s a short audio to help you increase calm and clarity in less than 2 minutes.